Here lately, I’ve become more aware of the negative things I seem to say about myself; “These jeans are looking awfully tight”, “Wow, I’m really starting to look older”, and “Hmmm, I really should get off my lazy ass and do something today.” I’m sure I’m not the only one that talks to myself like that. And yet, I would never say these words to someone else. Why do I think nothing of saying them to myself? In fact, if my husband, or even a friend addressed me in the manner in which I do myself, I would be shocked…and incredibly hurt. Which brings me to question:

Why is it so easy to say ugly words to ourselves…about ourselves?

It was a few years ago that I decided that my weight had gotten out of control. After having two kids and experiencing a couple of periods of depressions, I finally reached a place where I was loving life again, I was happy. But I wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. I would say I loved myself, but the big question was….. Could I look in the mirror NAKED and say that I loved EVERYTHING about myself? Honestly, the answer was HELL NO!!! Look at those rolls, look at the way that my thighs touch, and I don’t even want to talk about the dimples in my butt!

As I became more conscious of the things that I was eating and learned to love working out…or at least learned to work out, even if I didn’t always love it… I saw changes. But over time, I came to realize that the big changes happen when I could start looking in the mirror naked and loving every inch of me…no matter what I saw. This took time, it didn’t happen overnight. I had to recognize that every part of me, including those rolls and dimples, represented who I am. And, in order to start loving myself completely, I had to love all of those parts of me. I became aware of the lessons that I could learn from every part and, when I became aware of those lessons, I could then love it. And, only then, could I say that I was done with it and release it…give it permission to change, and give myself permission to make changes. The vision that I saw in the mirror was changing, the work was actually more mental then physical. I was talking to myself differently, walking taller, and feeling the love that I had for myself. I felt GOOD!!!

I have learned since then that it is easy to fall into old patterns, there’s comfort in what we’re used to. Being aware of these patterns is the first step…and then recognizing the steps to change things comes next. Some of those steps I’ve already started. Now it’s time to focus more on those thought patterns that hold me back…to work on stopping the negativity in my head. Just like any relationship, we fall into negative habits and need to invest the time into creating good ones again. There is some trust that has been lost and not always being honest with yourself takes time to repair. But this relationship, the one with yourself, is the core relationship. It’s the one all other relationships that you have are built off of. And you can’t foster good, positive relationships with others if you don’t have a good, positive relationship with yourself.

NOW IS THE TIME

I am taking this weekend to invest in me. To clear my mind and to love myself…more now than I ever have. This is not about getting into size 2 jeans or to look like a swim suit model on the cover of Sports Illustrated. This about being healthy, about investing in my relationship with me, and about remembering to love myself every single day more now than the one before. This weekend is about me…and I intend to make the most of it.

Love and Laughter Always,
Becky

Love isn’t always obvious…it takes various forms at different times in your life. I know for my husband, Jason, when he met me for the very first time in the break room at Gem City College, it was love at first sight. I, on the other hand, was already in love with someone else, a man who I would soon be engaged to. This didn’t stop Jason and I from building a deep friendship that would eventually develop into something more. I remember the very moment that I knew I had fallen in love with him. I had a very close friend of mine pass away in a car accident and Jason gave me a ride to the train station. When my fiancé picked me up to take me home, I put my arms around him and realized that I was wishing it was Jason.

Now, 14 years later, we’re happily married with two wonderful children, our own business, and an incredible life. I know every day how blessed I am to have created this wonderful family with such a loving and caring man. Just like any relationship there are ups and downs, ecstatic highs and depressing lows, but I still love my husband tremendously and have never doubted the path that I’ve chosen.

One of the things that I think makes our relationship so strong is that we have always been very upfront and honest with each other, no matter the consequences. I think a lot of this was because, before we had a loving relationship, we had built such a deep friendship. So when over time, just like many other relationships, the spark of him touching my hand for the first time, or the butterflies that flutter in my stomach when the phone rings, went away we talked about how I felt about that. We talked about the questions that were going through my mind…. Is that feeling gone forever? How did we lose that? Can we ever get that back? I miss that, and when I expressed these feelings to him, it turns out we both missed that. This didn’t mean that we had fallen out of love with each other, and we knew we loved raising our family together. We even knew that we were still with the one we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with…but what if there was more? What brings that spark back?

I wondered if we could have both: the kind of love that makes your heart pitter-patter and your stomach turn upside down, and the kind of love that makes you want to tough it out in the rough times, through the bills and the kids and the curves in the road. Do they have to be one in the same, or can they be from different sources? But, again, we both missed that and we both really wanted to find out how to bring that feeling back into our lives. Now, for many couples, this is when the trouble starts. People seek outside of their relationship, the honesty and trust takes a backseat to affairs and sneaking around. Fortunately, we had always been honest about our feelings, so after much discussion and heart to heart talks about our feelings, we came up with what works for us, and found our “pitter-patter”. Through this, we came to the realization that there is no one answer to what love looks like, how we receive love…and there are no limits to love.

I’ve since found that love can come when you least expect it, from places you didn’t know to look. It can come through heartfelt discussions with the one who’s been there all along, from a thoughtful gesture from someone you didn’t expect, from a friend who will listen when you need to talk. Accepting the love you have, recognizing the love you need, and creating the love you want is easy. When you put out a need, it is answered each and every time. It may not look like everyone else’s answer, but it’s yours…

Love and Laughter Always,
Becky

Since February is the month to talk about relationships, and trust me this is probably one of my favorite topics of all to talk about, I’m sure that before the month is over I will delve into my own person relationship…that always seems to start a good conversation, and more than that, gets lots of attention and questions.

This morning I woke up stuffy with a sinus headache, and still a cough from the cold that I have had for the past two weeks, and the first thing that came to mind was, “Is this ever going to leave me?”

Today I received an e-mail from a friend. This friend has been following me on Facebook and his email mentioned realizing that he and I have dealt with the same “stuff” in the past, and how he continues to look to me for inspiration. The “stuff” in the past to which he was referring was depression.

I know that I have had my spell of ups and downs, and some much more often than others.

Michal asked me today, “What role do you see yourself being in the big picture with Awakened Productions?”