So, even though I was scared out of my mind, I looked over at my son…and felt—for the first time in my life—an abundance of fatherly pride.

We all stood up, hugged each other, and left the office. The only thing left to do was wait for Miguel’s answer. So, I went about my business trying to appear as normal as I could…but inside I was a nervous wreck!

Suddenly, I felt very foolish. Who did I think I was anyway? I mean…we’d only just met a few weeks ago, and had only spent a few days together. And perhaps the most important thing of all is that we couldn’t really communicate with one another.

I didn’t get the significance of the moment I realized I was Miguel’s father until right now…my cup runneth over!

Who would’ve believed it? Certainly not me! But there I was on an airplane, this time by myself, returning to Honduras one week after cleaning up the mess on my kitchen floor. My year of “no” had quickly turned into “yes, yes.” This time, however, the purpose of the trip was wholly different. This time I was looking forward to conversing with the Honduran landscape. This time I couldn’t wait to leave the bustling Tegucigalpa streets. This time when the bus door flung open I would be scanning the crowd of children for someone who I’d hoped would be looking for me too.

After getting settled, the three of us sat in Chris’ office in a triangle formation—Miguel’s seat formed the triangle’s head leaving Chris and me to form the bottom vertices. Every detail of this moment is etched in my mind owing not only to the torrential rain of my first Honduran rainy season, but because I was a father looking at his son for the first time.

Traditionally fathers meet their children in the delivery room, or pressed against the maternity ward room window, but not me. When I met my child he was 11 years old, was born from a mother I didn’t know, lived in a different country, and couldn’t understand a word from my native tongue.

Montaña de Luz is an organization that cares for children living with HIV/AIDS, and though some of the children who live there are without parents, it is not an orphanage. So, what was I doing sitting in the director’s office asking Miguel if I could be his adoptive father? Even now as I think about it I am struck by how completely courageous each of us were on that day…me for returning to Honduras, Chris for facilitating the conversation, and Miguel for sitting there without the faintest idea of what was happening.

After a bit of small talk we finally arrived at the meeting’s purpose…“Miguel, es difícil decírtelo, pero algo muy sorprendente me pasó cuando nos conocimos. La razón que estoy aquí de nuevo es preguntarte si ¿te gustaría ser mi hijo adoptivo?” Chris translated my words for Miguel. Indeed it was difficult to tell him of the surprising thing that happened when we met that was the reason why I was there again so soon! I wanted to know if he would like to be my son—if I could be his father.

Once the words were spoken the room was eerily quiet. Nobody moved for what seemed quite a long while. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and left us suspended in our triangle formation. The only sound to be heard were the juicy raindrops dancing on the rooftop.

I looked over at Chris and she was crying. I looked over at Miguel and he began to cry. And finally, the tears that had stung my eyes from the moment I realized my life had changed forever finally began to flow down my face. Finally, Miguel broke the silence, “Necesito tiempo pensar. ¿Puedo decirles mañana?”

My heart stopped. I didn’t need anyone to translate that for me, I understood completely. “¡Sí, claro!” I say to him hurriedly. Of course he could have time to think about it and give us his decision tomorrow. But, what if after all that he says thank you but no thank you? Gosh, I hadn’t considered that option!

On that day I learned that fatherhood was a lesson in patience. But you know what? If I had raised him for 11 years, that is exactly the response I would’ve taught him to give to a question of such magnitude. So, even though I was scared out of my mind, I looked over at my son…and felt—for the first time in my life—an abundance of fatherly pride.

…to be continued…

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How could I have been so wrong? And if I was so wrong about that, what else did I need to reconsider?

If you had asked me at “that” time in my life, I would have said, without a doubt, I knew who I was.

Do you ever notice how your experience of abundance changes from day-to-day, or even from minute-to-minute? What is abundance anyway? Can it be measured by the

This month the Breakthrough blog authors have been writing about the future. However, I’ve noticed how each of my blogs have been about the future from the perspective of the past. Here’s what I mean…

In Universe/Multi-Verse, I wrote about how when we think about the past, we are transported to it as if it’s happening now. In Coming Soon to a Life Near You, I wrote about how I’ve noticed that when I look back at my life’s path there were very specific and accurate glimpses of the future. In Exceeds Expectations, I explain how I gained clarity through envisioning myself never finding the courage to speak up. And, even in this blog, here I am referencing the past by examining previous week’s blogs. It makes me wonder, have I missed the point? Perhaps not.

For reasons that are unclear even to me, I seem unable to write about the future without referencing the past. This “time travel” is even showing up in my dreams. I am mentioning my dreams here because I don’t always have them, nor am I in the habit of writing about them. However, last night’s dream seems relevant…

Last night I dreamt that I suddenly, and without notice, resigned my position at Edward Jones. I awoke with an intense amount of fear, shame, and the sense that I had disappointed my team leader, my team, and my friends. However, I also awoke with an acute awareness that there was no other alternative—I had to leave!

As I was explaining the dream to Michal he reminded me that the one year anniversary of my resignation was only a few days away. Then, it hit me. The cycles of life. The “seemingly” random cycles of my life. The future into which I am now living, based on my past. And then, suddenly everything made sense. I could see the wisdom in my life’s timeline…

In May 2006, I moved from St. Louis county to St. Louis city to share a re-habbed house with my friend Jennifer. In July 2006, I inaugurated Walking with Children in Honduras, then felt compelled to leave the project. In October 2006, I felt an urge to make a big change in my life. So, I finally decided to watch the copy of The Secret I had been given, and after only watching half of it, I pressed pause and said aloud, “So, if this ‘Law of Attraction’ thing works, I am going to attract a job that gives me financial stability and allows me to continue doing the work I love and a loving relationship.” Two weeks later, I received a call to come to Edward Jones to head up a project that was only supposed to last a few weeks. The project grew and I was offered full-time employment. In December 2006, my 40th birthday, while in San Diego my cousin challenged me to create a profile on Match.com.

In January 2007, even though I was thoroughly convinced that I would never find anyone on Match.com, I met Michal who lived two miles from my house and drove by my house everyday to go to work (Michal had returned from living in San Diego). Michal studied with Esther Hicks (Abraham) who was prominently featured in The Secret. In July 2007, because of my employ at Edward Jones I had the comprehensive health care coverage necessary to face an unexpected and challenging health crisis—a

You ever have one of those ‘after-the-fact moments’ when you scream at yourself thinking, “You know…I should’ve said something!” Sure you have. We all have had a moment like that at one time or another. The problem, usually, is that for some reason or another we have learned (or been trained) that it’s not acceptable to speak our mind, trust our intuition, or confront issues head on. So, instead of speaking up, we stuff it down. For years, I stuffed down my feelings until one day I could no longer silence the words stuck in my throat.

Years ago, while working at MTV Networks in New York, I was given a performance review by Jay my new manager. Even though Jay had only just arrived a few months earlier he reviewed my work performance from the previous year. I remember thinking the review would be cut-and-dried because the period under review included several key projects created by me that were very successful not only for my department but the entire organization. That particular year I had pushed myself and the result was that everything seemed to fall into its professional place. I walked into Jay’s office feeling clear, prepared, and confident—however, those feelings didn’t last very long.

With each passing minute I felt more and more deflated. I wondered if I was on a television program where at any moment the hidden camera would be revealed allowing me to nervously laugh at the obvious punchline. I wondered when the moment would come when Jay would discover that he was reading from someone else’s papers.

So, this notion of thinking about the future creating feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or fear has been wafting through my mind lately. I think perhaps the reason why the future generates feelings of anxiety has to do with the fact that we think we know what the future holds. So, we project ourselves into an imagined future, and in that imagined future we generate feelings that are more closely related to how we feel right now. Can you see the problem most of us have with our future?

One of my favorite quotes of Einstein is, “the most fundamental question we can ever ask ourselves is whether or not the universe we live in is friendly or hostile.” The answer each of us offers, he hypothesized, determines our destiny…or in other words, our future.

Huh. Imagine that?! The answer as to whether or not we are best buds with the universe determining our future.

Now, when I think about the future, I’m in love with the notion that the universe conspires to give me what I want just because that’s what friends do. Lately, I’ve begun to understand how my pal Uni (we call each other pet names), has given me glimpses of my future. Every step along my life’s path, I’ve received very specific and accurate glimpses of the future.

For instance, while considering a move to New York City in my 20s, the person I was visiting took a picture of me sitting in front of The Plaza Hotel contemplatively looking at the building in front of me. Several months later, I began working in that same building as a consultant for Estee Lauder. The first time I landed in St. Louis to help lead a workshop, I clearly heard a voice inside tell me that St. Louis was to be my home. I remember thinking, “What?! No way!” And obviously, after much kicking and screaming, St. Louis is my home. And just a few days ago, when we landed in Phoenix, AZ, I turned to Michal and said, “How come this airport is beginning to feel like home?” Could this be news of coming attractions? Hmm…

As I think about my life, I could go on and on with examples of how I saw the future just before it happened, or I realized the future had clearly been revealed days, months, or years before. It’s kind of like the Universe projects on the screen of our psyche a future based on how we’re operating now. The question is, do we trust it or not? Do we believe that we are capable and deserving of the future we’re glimpsing? My answer is a resounding YES! And another thing, it’s about time I believed in my wildest possibilities! What about you?!

Every now and then I’ve been noticing longer glimpses into the future, and I have to say, some of what I’ve seen might’ve seemed intimidating in the past. But not now. Now, I know that in each moment I’m generating the future. As I hold bigger, brighter, and bolder possibilities in the moment called now, five minutes later, I’ve already begun living into that possibility.

Who says you can’t time travel? Whoever it was, it wasn’t Einstein!

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You know what? The future is now. We spend so much time thinking, worrying, planning, hoping, and projecting into and about the future that we fail to realize that the “future” is right now.

You know what else? The past is now. We spend so much time resisting, reviewing, rehashing, lamenting, and reliving from and about the past that we hardly realize the “past” is right now.

The thing we must learn (or remember) about time is that it eludes us.

It tricks us into thinking that we can go someplace other than now. What I mean is, when we think about the past (or the future), our thoughts transport us to a place where we are consumed with what happened—or what we want to happen.

In a manner of speaking, we mostly live our lives as if from the wavy lines of a situation comedy flashback. You know what I’m talking about don’t you? It’s the moment where a character wistfully taps finger to chin while the screen image goes wavy to indicate that the event (even if it happened earlier that same day) happened in the past. Well, I suggest that we spend quite a bit of our “now” lives in the wavy past. And while we’re doing that, the clock called now is tick, tick, ticking. And sometimes before we realize it, we’ve logged quite a substantial amount of “now time” in the wavy flashback time called “past time.”

So, here’s the good news. If when we think about the past, we are transported to it as if it’s happening now, then, we can think about the future we desire and we are transported to it too as if it were happening now. So, go ahead. Leap into your future.

I dare you!

And another thing, the painful past you imagine likely didn’t happen the way you imagined it. In fact, if you must, go ahead and relive the past . But, live it in a way that leaves you feeling whole, complete, and satisfied. It’s not too late to see your life retrospectively happy.

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Do you ever notice how your experience of love shows up with strings attached? In other words, if so-and-so does what you want them to do, then you love them. And, when they don’t…you “un-love” them? Or, sometimes you feel unconditional love and acceptance from your beloved, but only when you toe their well-defined line. And, when you don’t…you feel “un-loved.”

Dear Jaimes,

Happy Valentine’s Day. Isn’t it amazing how much love surrounds you now? Can’t you feel how comfortable you are in your own skin? Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, you are radiating joy, and are creating the safety, security, and clarity of mind and heart that you’ve always wanted. Can’t you see how you’ve chosen to BE love instead of waiting petulantly to HAVE it show up “special delivery” on your doorstep? What you should know is how clearly I need to communicate to you how in love you are with yourself, with Michal, your family, your friends, your work—in fact—the whole world. Even though it doesn’t really matter the reasons why it took you so long, let’s take a quick look back…

Remember the love-sick time affectionally called your 20s and 30s? I do. Right now, you’re probably smiling that little smile when you recognize how much you’ve grown. I am remembering all those times when you thought you had to DO love. So, you sold yourself out (and short) for the tiniest of love morsels, when the veritable smorgasbord of love for which you hungered resided within you. Remember those times when you thought you didn’t deserve love, and that somehow everyone else had found it, and you were somehow woefully deficient? Or, how about those times when you would longingly look at other couples and wondered, where were your missing chromosomes? How about all those first dates where you threw down your heart, like a gauntlet, and wondered why it didn’t work? Well, you can relax. The love for which you were searching is here now. And, it was here all along! I’m proud of you. I love you. What a journey it’s been…and it’s just beginning!

Go ahead and chuckle at yourself as you remember all those times when you fell flat on your face thinking that it was someone else’s job to care for you, respond to you, understand you, and love you. It didn’t work in those times because that’s your job! So, instead of thinking of those times as failures, you should instead consider them as part of an elaborate on-the-job training program whose goal has been to have you love yourself. And another thing, just in case you’re wondering, your love career has just been fast-tracked! You’ve arrived. In this love career you are the CEO, the board, the investors, the product, the marketing department, technical assistance, research and development, and when things need a little spicing up…you’re the head of emerging technologies. So, how does it feel? It feels great doesn’t it?

Now, here’s the best part: all you HAVE to DO is BE.

Love,

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Write your own love letter and post it on the BreakThrough Facebook website as a Note. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!!!