It’s now been 2 weeks and one day since I “accepted” the challenge to only promote myself. So far it is not working for me. Let’s say you’re an artist and you LOVE to draw. Can you imagine going 3 months, a quarter of a year, without drawing? Or you’re a singer. No songs for 90 days. I’m not saying that this exercise is not valid. It is VERY valid. The artist STILL needs to promote himself and his artwork if he wants to eat. A singer still needs to let others know where she will be singing. All this to say that not promoting others feels like depriving myself of “joy.” But there needs to be ba;asnce, which I definately have not had and are still struggling with.

I WILL say that I am going to continue this journey of restructuring my “automatic” promoting of anyone and everyone “just because” and I am working on being more “strategic” about it.

This is not to say I am a total failure at this challenge. I AM working hard on thinking before reacting (promoting). The lessons I’m learning are huge. I hide behind promoting others so I do not promote myself. I had a huge “aha” this week. I have my first book ever out in a few weeks. I realized I have not shared with my family. Other then kids and husband. No one else. Why? That old invisable thing. I’ve made up a story, based on my childhood and the “evidence” or “story” that I have created that no one in my family will care that I have written a book. I’m afraid to tell them because I’m afraid that the will not show they are interested or care. So I share it with dear friends that are excited for me. Where it is safe. A friend once challenged me when I’d had a great article written about me to show it to my family. Based on the very, very few times in the past that I had shared anything like this with them, the “story” or history, if repeated, would be no congratulations or comments. Well, I felt the fear of what I thought was rejection, but was really the fear of being “invisible” again, and showed the story. No comments. Nothing. Invisible. Of course I did not have this additional “awareness” (THANK YOU PAT JORDAN-FOR OUR TIME UNCOVERING THIS!).

So, being invisible in my family is a pattern. A habit. The game we play. In the business world I AM visible, and I feel ackowledged. But, out of habit I hide there as well. I hide behind wonderful people… clients and friends… see this person! They are XYZ, please meet that person… they are wonderful because of ABC. So, I hide-let myself be seen. Hide-let myself be seen. Be seen, hide. Hide. Hide. Be invisible.

Today I am re-committing to being a promoter of myself to the people who want to hear about me/my programs, my gifts, my book. People that “see” me. And, actually, I will promote to the community, the world too. Whether they see me or not does not affect me as much as not being “seen” by those family members I love and that I believe love me.

Wish me luck!